Yesterday I hit another car with my car.
I was pulling into an intersection when someone cut me off. Then the light changed to red. Since my nose was in the intersection, I decided to back up a little and wait for the green light.
I checked my side mirror and there was no car, so I began to back up.
Suddenly
"Beep"
Followed by
Bump.
There was a car behind me after all. I pulled forward a bit, put the car in park and jumped out to assess the damage.
The guy rolled down his window.
"I am so sorry" I said. "I didn't notice you behind me."
"No problem" He replied.
I reassured him there was no damage and he didn't even bother to check it himself. He just kept repeating that it was no problem.
Thanks, dude. That was some good car mojo there. I hope God blesses you for your kindness. And I hope I get my head out of the clouds and onto the road.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Kyrie Eleison
Advent has been a time of darkness for me. Each year since becoming a Christian, I have experienced tremendous spiritual emptiness during Advent. Then, usually around Gaudete Sunday, the third Sunday of Advent, the clouds part a tiny bit and let a fraction of the coming light shine through. My spirits lift, my smile broadens, and I feel slightly more prepared for the coming.
This year, Jesus has seen fit to make his presence known during the dark days of Advent. I have felt his mercy pouring forth. My heart has been ablaze with his love.
Today on the way to bible study at church, I realized that one of the great gifts the Lord has given me is the ability to love without fear. I was awestruck by the miracle of that. By the time I got to church, I was in tears. I think the parking lot attendant was concerned! But I was fine. I was crying for joy.
Last Saturday I went to a funeral for a friend from Grace. He died unexpectedly. The church was filled. People got up and talked about him and how much they loved him and how much they felt loved by him. It occurred to me that it is a great gift to love others. And to be able to love fearlessly is one of Christ's tender mercies.
Kyrie Eleison.
This year, Jesus has seen fit to make his presence known during the dark days of Advent. I have felt his mercy pouring forth. My heart has been ablaze with his love.
Today on the way to bible study at church, I realized that one of the great gifts the Lord has given me is the ability to love without fear. I was awestruck by the miracle of that. By the time I got to church, I was in tears. I think the parking lot attendant was concerned! But I was fine. I was crying for joy.
Last Saturday I went to a funeral for a friend from Grace. He died unexpectedly. The church was filled. People got up and talked about him and how much they loved him and how much they felt loved by him. It occurred to me that it is a great gift to love others. And to be able to love fearlessly is one of Christ's tender mercies.
Kyrie Eleison.
Sunday, December 07, 2008
Epiphany
This year my birthday falls on the feast of Epiphany.
I wonder if God has any special epiphanies planned for me?
I will be celebrating my 44th birthday in Africa if all goes as planned.
Maybe I'll find a Catholic church and attend a mass that day.
I wonder if God has any special epiphanies planned for me?
I will be celebrating my 44th birthday in Africa if all goes as planned.
Maybe I'll find a Catholic church and attend a mass that day.
Saturday, December 06, 2008
Sing his praises
One of the many hats I wear is that of an energy work practitioner. I am a certified Reiki master (whatever THAT means, LOL) and have a very tiny little group of clients. Before Reiki, I did hands on healing for family and friends after receiving that gift in a dramatic experience with the Holy Spirit.
Now, once a month I lay hands on people and pray at a healing service at Grace Church.
For a long time, I was shy to incorporate prayer into my Reiki practice. I felt that since that wasn't what I was advertising, I didn't really have the right to do it. So I would pray to myself as I worked on people. In my mind, I would invite Jesus to join me and lay his hands on them too. We would work together, Jesus and I, comforting and soothing my clients, body and soul. But I was too shy to say anything.
No more.
I can't pretend that I am doing just Reiki anymore. What I am doing is prayer. It is Christian healing. I lay my hands in the traditional reiki positions, but I know that what is taking place is much more than the simple shifting of energy.
So, last night, at my Reiki appointment, I asked my client if I could pray for her. She said yes. At the end of the session I laid my hands on her and knelt beside her and said a prayer of thanksgiving and petition.
And you know what? To me, at least, it didn't feel weird or awkward at all. In fact, now it feels weird NOT to pray... because I know damn well that the energy, the power, that my clients feel isn't mine at all. By claiming it as God's, I am able to put the emphasis exactly where it belongs.
Praise to YOU, Lord Christ.
Now, once a month I lay hands on people and pray at a healing service at Grace Church.
For a long time, I was shy to incorporate prayer into my Reiki practice. I felt that since that wasn't what I was advertising, I didn't really have the right to do it. So I would pray to myself as I worked on people. In my mind, I would invite Jesus to join me and lay his hands on them too. We would work together, Jesus and I, comforting and soothing my clients, body and soul. But I was too shy to say anything.
No more.
I can't pretend that I am doing just Reiki anymore. What I am doing is prayer. It is Christian healing. I lay my hands in the traditional reiki positions, but I know that what is taking place is much more than the simple shifting of energy.
So, last night, at my Reiki appointment, I asked my client if I could pray for her. She said yes. At the end of the session I laid my hands on her and knelt beside her and said a prayer of thanksgiving and petition.
And you know what? To me, at least, it didn't feel weird or awkward at all. In fact, now it feels weird NOT to pray... because I know damn well that the energy, the power, that my clients feel isn't mine at all. By claiming it as God's, I am able to put the emphasis exactly where it belongs.
Praise to YOU, Lord Christ.
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Community
When you go to a big church, it is inevitable that there will be shared joys. Baptisms, births, weddings, recoveries are all part of living in community together.
There are losses, too.
Today, at bible study, I found out that a fellow parishioner at Grace, Roger Ferland, died yesterday. It was a sudden, unexpected loss. He was in his fifties... an OB/Gyn here in Providence.
I met Roger when he and his wife, Kim, first started coming to Grace. We made a meal together for the soup kitchen one Saturday. Then, last month, he preached a sermon in honor of St. Luke. It struck a particular chord for me because the work I have been doing lately is of a kind that I have to rely, every day, on the Grace of God. That was what Roger preached on... God's grace in seemingly hopeless situations. After the service I approached him and thanked him for speaking. I told him about my work at the crisis pregnancy center and asked about his practice. We both allowed as to how the process of birth is especially ripe for God's grace.
I have been struck, lately, by what a blessing it is to be in community with other people. Joy, sorrow, grace and despair are different when they are experienced together with other people of faith. There is such sorrow in loss... but such grace in being able to experience that sorrow with other members of the body of Christ. I cried my way through the bible study this morning, comforted by the presence of God and my friends. Afterward, I sat in the darkened church for awhile, praying.
This weekend I'll go to the funeral at Grace Church. There will be doctors and patients, friends and relatives. And there will be some of us who knelt at the communion rail with Roger and broke bread and were connected to each other through the flesh and blood of him who brings grace to us all.
Rest in peace, Roger.
http://www.gracechurchprovidence.org/Sermon_-_19_October_2008.wss
There are losses, too.
Today, at bible study, I found out that a fellow parishioner at Grace, Roger Ferland, died yesterday. It was a sudden, unexpected loss. He was in his fifties... an OB/Gyn here in Providence.
I met Roger when he and his wife, Kim, first started coming to Grace. We made a meal together for the soup kitchen one Saturday. Then, last month, he preached a sermon in honor of St. Luke. It struck a particular chord for me because the work I have been doing lately is of a kind that I have to rely, every day, on the Grace of God. That was what Roger preached on... God's grace in seemingly hopeless situations. After the service I approached him and thanked him for speaking. I told him about my work at the crisis pregnancy center and asked about his practice. We both allowed as to how the process of birth is especially ripe for God's grace.
I have been struck, lately, by what a blessing it is to be in community with other people. Joy, sorrow, grace and despair are different when they are experienced together with other people of faith. There is such sorrow in loss... but such grace in being able to experience that sorrow with other members of the body of Christ. I cried my way through the bible study this morning, comforted by the presence of God and my friends. Afterward, I sat in the darkened church for awhile, praying.
This weekend I'll go to the funeral at Grace Church. There will be doctors and patients, friends and relatives. And there will be some of us who knelt at the communion rail with Roger and broke bread and were connected to each other through the flesh and blood of him who brings grace to us all.
Rest in peace, Roger.
http://www.gracechurchprovidence.org/Sermon_-_19_October_2008.wss
Friday, November 21, 2008
Oh, happy happy Africa....
It's done. I bought my ticket. I got the shots. I am going to Africa in January. I will be there on my 44th birthday.
What it is not:
It is not a safari. It is not about zebras and elephants. It is not a tourist thing. I won't be on a guided tour with a bunch of other Americans or Europeans, oohing and ahhing over the mud mosque of Dogon or Timbuktu. I might even leave the big camera at home.
What it is:
Experiencing West Africa from the inside. Today, we learned about the personal hygiene. We will eat, sleep, drink, play drums. We will spend time with friends, new and old. We will go to weddings, funerals, circumcision rituals and baptisms. We will be taught how to eat with Muslims and what is considered polite and what is rude. We will dance.
I feel a great sense of privilege and adventure. I feel grateful beyond words at this opportunity. Oh, joy.
Oh, Africa.
Allons y!
What it is not:
It is not a safari. It is not about zebras and elephants. It is not a tourist thing. I won't be on a guided tour with a bunch of other Americans or Europeans, oohing and ahhing over the mud mosque of Dogon or Timbuktu. I might even leave the big camera at home.
What it is:
Experiencing West Africa from the inside. Today, we learned about the personal hygiene. We will eat, sleep, drink, play drums. We will spend time with friends, new and old. We will go to weddings, funerals, circumcision rituals and baptisms. We will be taught how to eat with Muslims and what is considered polite and what is rude. We will dance.
I feel a great sense of privilege and adventure. I feel grateful beyond words at this opportunity. Oh, joy.
Oh, Africa.
Allons y!
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Broken
Last Sunday my friend Phil came to drumming class and was excited that his friend Jon was going to join us, but he never showed up. Phil kept trying to reach him, and a couple days later finally talked to a co-worker who told him that Jon had committed suicide. He left 2 children younger than my boys. I have felt sick about it all week.
This morning, I got an email from an old friend I found on facebook. He told me that his younger brother had died by suicide a few years ago. I have been crying about it all day. Nguyen and I were really close to his family when we were in college and first married. In fact, Michael, the older brother, introduced Nguyen and I. We swapped out our volkswagen engine in their garage when they lived in RI. In 1991 we spent New Year's eve in Germany with them. It all came rushing back as I read the email this morning. Even though we haven't been in touch for awhile, you never really stop feeling like you know someone, do you? You never really stop feeling like a member of the family. So to hear about Ben, who was so sweet and gentle, is completely breaking my heart. I am heartbroken for him. I am grief stricken for his parents and his brothers.
God only knows what drives people to this. God only knows.
Lord, it is a broken world. There is so much pain. I pray that you sooth the hearts of those who grieve. Blessed are they that mourn, Lord.
Today Jon and Ben and their families are in my prayers.
This morning, I got an email from an old friend I found on facebook. He told me that his younger brother had died by suicide a few years ago. I have been crying about it all day. Nguyen and I were really close to his family when we were in college and first married. In fact, Michael, the older brother, introduced Nguyen and I. We swapped out our volkswagen engine in their garage when they lived in RI. In 1991 we spent New Year's eve in Germany with them. It all came rushing back as I read the email this morning. Even though we haven't been in touch for awhile, you never really stop feeling like you know someone, do you? You never really stop feeling like a member of the family. So to hear about Ben, who was so sweet and gentle, is completely breaking my heart. I am heartbroken for him. I am grief stricken for his parents and his brothers.
God only knows what drives people to this. God only knows.
Lord, it is a broken world. There is so much pain. I pray that you sooth the hearts of those who grieve. Blessed are they that mourn, Lord.
Today Jon and Ben and their families are in my prayers.
Saturday, November 01, 2008
Ziggy
We love our new dog! He is a mutt from Newfoundland... and I swear the Newfoundland mutts are the best in the world. Something about that cold, damp climate makes for great temperaments.
When Ziggy got here last Saturday, he was completely untrained. He didn't come when he was called. He wouldn't sit unless you were actually holding a piece of food. He didn't know how to walk on a leash without pulling your arm off. He was, in other words, a complete blank slate.
Luckily, because he was very well loved (if completely undisciplined) by his previous owner, he isn't filled with bizarre little traumas and anxieties. He is just a sweet, lovable goofball.
With our last dog, we used a traditional training method that used negative correction combined with reward to get the behavior you wanted. It was a combination of snapping a choke chain with offering treats. Frankly, it had it's limitations. Sadie, our old dog, was dog aggressive and no amount of leash popping seemed to help her get over that.
So, with Ziggy, we have been trying something new: positive reinforcement only. No corrections with the collar, just using a clicker to identify success and then offering a treat. I have been working with him all week, and in just this short amount of time, he now can walk on a loose leash, he sits on command and is learning to lie down and come when called. It is awesome!
What is so wonderful about this is that it starts to develop a real relationship between the human and the dog. It becomes an issue of communication, rather than punishment. I forces me to think about what behavior I do want, rather than what I don't. For example, he jumps up on people to greet them. I want him to sit.... so when he sits, I reward him with lots of praise and petting. Now, he drops almost immediately because he knows that that is how he gets greeted.
It is interesting to approach a relationship from the positive rather than negative. I bet it works with humans, too!
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Trust
I am ruminating on some things. There are some possible glitches in a business situation, and it doesn't look like it will be resolved before it is time to buy my tickets for Africa. So I am really at a loss about what to do. I have the money to go because I have sold some of my valuables, but I can't help thinking that I would feel much better about it all if I knew that everything was going to be fine.
And then, there is the matter of the dog.
My parents brought us a dog from Newfoundland. He is a sweet, sweet, guy. A year old mixed breed with a very gentle nature. But today, when we introduced him to the rabbit for the first time, it was clear that this is going to be a LONG process. Theo has been moved to Emmett's room and is being separated from the dog (Ziggy) by a series of baby gates. Honestly, I couldn't tell if Ziggy was ready to eat him, or just wanted to play with him, but either way it was not to Theo's liking. At. All.
Which means that we live in a house divided at the moment. Theo was so upset after the encounter with Ziggy this afternoon, he actually bit Emmett this evening, which has never happened before. Emmett was utterly devastated and I feel very sad indeed.
What do a trip to Africa and a new dog have in common? Patience, I think. And courage. And trust. God, grant me peace in all these areas so I can just turn them over to you and know that you are in the midst of it all, no matter how it turns out.
And then, there is the matter of the dog.
My parents brought us a dog from Newfoundland. He is a sweet, sweet, guy. A year old mixed breed with a very gentle nature. But today, when we introduced him to the rabbit for the first time, it was clear that this is going to be a LONG process. Theo has been moved to Emmett's room and is being separated from the dog (Ziggy) by a series of baby gates. Honestly, I couldn't tell if Ziggy was ready to eat him, or just wanted to play with him, but either way it was not to Theo's liking. At. All.
Which means that we live in a house divided at the moment. Theo was so upset after the encounter with Ziggy this afternoon, he actually bit Emmett this evening, which has never happened before. Emmett was utterly devastated and I feel very sad indeed.
What do a trip to Africa and a new dog have in common? Patience, I think. And courage. And trust. God, grant me peace in all these areas so I can just turn them over to you and know that you are in the midst of it all, no matter how it turns out.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Hangin'
Backstage with the Song and Dance Ensemble of West Africa. My teacher is wearing the white hat.I think Malians are very good at hanging out. Even with a major language barrier (my French is beyond atrocious and their English is non-existent) we had a great time watching home videos and eating fine African food and drinking tea and teaching each other the words for grapes, water, what is your name?
At one point, Makan started playing the djembe and Ladje began to dance. They faced off in Sidy's tiny living room. Makan would play a rhythm and Ladje would listen for a moment, then begin a complex series of movements to match the sound. They told a story, together, really. Sidy videotaped the whole thing while my friend Lisa and I just watched with idiotic grins on our faces. The whole thing went on for nearly 20 minutes... it was absolutely extraordinary.
We had vague plans to bring the visitors to see the beach, which they have never seen before. But cooking and chatting and tea and dancing went on so long that in the end, we never got around to it. Maybe next time!
Hangin' with the Africans. Yup.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Who is cuter?
Theo: Lagomorph. 3 years old
Emmett: Homo Sapien. 8 years old.
Sofa: Shopus Thriftus. Lord only knows how old it is....
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
The peace of God
Tonight's Eucharist at Grace church was very sparsely attended. There were only 6 of us in the pews and the two priests. Our music director was called away on a family emergency, so we sang all the music a capella. It was beautiful, really, in a candlelit church, to sing together and hear our voices and smell the sweet fragrance of Sunday's altar flowers still drifting in the air.
I have been spending the last few days struggling over an issue that finally came to resolution today. Do you know how that feels? To go around in circles in your head over and over until finally, in a moment of clarity, you say, wait a minute... What would God have me do? What is God asking me to do? Am I struggling because what God is asking is difficult and I don't want to do it? In this case, I think the answer was a definite yes.
A friend helped me clarify things. And the moment of clarity was so focused and forceful I felt filled with gratitude. Yes. Yes, Lord. I want to do your will. Yes.
After the service, I was alone in the church. Alone with God. I walked up to the chancel and lay down on the floor, face down, in front of the altar. I felt the cool tiles against my face. It took a moment for my breathing to relax and calm. My eyes were closed and I just lay there for a few minutes, thanking God. Asking him to always help me have the courage to do his will, even when I know it will be difficult. Even when I know that people will not understand. But Lord, I begged, give me the courage to do your will. I only want to do your will. Thank you, Lord, for your blessings.
I got up. Set the alarm. Let myself out the back door.
A half moon.
A clear night.
Psalm 128
Happy are they all who fear the LORD, *
and who follow in his ways!
You shall eat the fruit of your labor; *
happiness and prosperity shall be yours.
Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine within your house, *
your children like olive shoots round about your table.
The man who fears the LORD *
shall thus indeed be blessed.
The LORD bless you from Zion, *
and may you see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of your life.
May you live to see your children's children; *
may peace be upon Israel.
I have been spending the last few days struggling over an issue that finally came to resolution today. Do you know how that feels? To go around in circles in your head over and over until finally, in a moment of clarity, you say, wait a minute... What would God have me do? What is God asking me to do? Am I struggling because what God is asking is difficult and I don't want to do it? In this case, I think the answer was a definite yes.
A friend helped me clarify things. And the moment of clarity was so focused and forceful I felt filled with gratitude. Yes. Yes, Lord. I want to do your will. Yes.
After the service, I was alone in the church. Alone with God. I walked up to the chancel and lay down on the floor, face down, in front of the altar. I felt the cool tiles against my face. It took a moment for my breathing to relax and calm. My eyes were closed and I just lay there for a few minutes, thanking God. Asking him to always help me have the courage to do his will, even when I know it will be difficult. Even when I know that people will not understand. But Lord, I begged, give me the courage to do your will. I only want to do your will. Thank you, Lord, for your blessings.
I got up. Set the alarm. Let myself out the back door.
A half moon.
A clear night.
Psalm 128
Happy are they all who fear the LORD, *
and who follow in his ways!
You shall eat the fruit of your labor; *
happiness and prosperity shall be yours.
Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine within your house, *
your children like olive shoots round about your table.
The man who fears the LORD *
shall thus indeed be blessed.
The LORD bless you from Zion, *
and may you see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of your life.
May you live to see your children's children; *
may peace be upon Israel.
Monday, October 06, 2008
Oh, wow.
My friend Amy just emailed to say that after only a few weeks, her friend received a heart.
Isn't that incredible? I tell you, God is working overtime these days. Prayers are being answered.
Lord, thank you.
Isn't that incredible? I tell you, God is working overtime these days. Prayers are being answered.
Lord, thank you.
Sunday, October 05, 2008
Collect of the Day: Pentecost Proper 22
Almighty and everlasting God, you are always more ready to hear than we to pray, and to give more than we either desire or deserve: Pour upon us the abundance of your mercy, forgiving us those things of which our conscience is afraid, and giving us those good things for which we are not worthy to ask, except through the merits and mediation of Jesus Christ our Savior; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.
Almighty and everlasting God, you are always more ready to hear than we to pray, and to give more than we either desire or deserve: Pour upon us the abundance of your mercy, forgiving us those things of which our conscience is afraid, and giving us those good things for which we are not worthy to ask, except through the merits and mediation of Jesus Christ our Savior; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.
Sarah Palin is entertaining
OK, Guilty pleasure:
I am having a great time surfing youtube for the latest Palin/Tina Fey tag team videos. CNN actually has one that shows them each responding to the bailout question using the exact same words. It is so funny.
I watched the VP debate the other night, half expecting her to crash and burn after all the gaffs over the last week, but nope... she was articulate and pulled together, even if she didn't actually answer any of the questions put to her.
People far smarter than me are doing much more incisive analysis, but as for me, I am finding the clips on youtube to be a great diversion from the real issues going on out there.
I wish I could like her, God bless her. She's so down-homey and Christian and pro-life and all. And really, she did great at the convention. But gosh darn it, I just can't see her as potential president material.
Can you?
I am having a great time surfing youtube for the latest Palin/Tina Fey tag team videos. CNN actually has one that shows them each responding to the bailout question using the exact same words. It is so funny.
I watched the VP debate the other night, half expecting her to crash and burn after all the gaffs over the last week, but nope... she was articulate and pulled together, even if she didn't actually answer any of the questions put to her.
People far smarter than me are doing much more incisive analysis, but as for me, I am finding the clips on youtube to be a great diversion from the real issues going on out there.
I wish I could like her, God bless her. She's so down-homey and Christian and pro-life and all. And really, she did great at the convention. But gosh darn it, I just can't see her as potential president material.
Can you?
Saturday, October 04, 2008
Miracles abound part 2
Yesterday morning things were bleak for our financial situation. I prayed with Nguyen that God would take care of us and by later in the afternoon a solution appeared from such an unexpected source it really could only be a miracle. Love is a miracle, isn't it? Selflessness. Generosity? All miracles.
Today, more miracles.
I decided to go pray outside the Planned Parenthood clinic in Providence. It was my first time doing such a thing. I was afraid, but prayed to God to give me courage. I said the rosary with the other people there and blessed those who cursed us and at some point ceased feeling fear and felt only love.
This from evening prayer tonight:
“But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who mistreat you.
Tonight, for the first time in his adult life, my husband confessed being a Christian.
Lord, I am humbled to be receiving such gifts and blessings. Truly I know that I have done nothing to earn them. You give them freely, and I thank you. Tonight I pray for my husband, I pray for my friend Carl, I pray for my dear P+ and I send special prayers for the woman who changed her mind at the Broad St. clinic today. Bless her abundantly Lord. She heard you...
Today, more miracles.
I decided to go pray outside the Planned Parenthood clinic in Providence. It was my first time doing such a thing. I was afraid, but prayed to God to give me courage. I said the rosary with the other people there and blessed those who cursed us and at some point ceased feeling fear and felt only love.
This from evening prayer tonight:
“But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who mistreat you.
Tonight, for the first time in his adult life, my husband confessed being a Christian.
Lord, I am humbled to be receiving such gifts and blessings. Truly I know that I have done nothing to earn them. You give them freely, and I thank you. Tonight I pray for my husband, I pray for my friend Carl, I pray for my dear P+ and I send special prayers for the woman who changed her mind at the Broad St. clinic today. Bless her abundantly Lord. She heard you...
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Thoughts on the drive home
I had some. They were even important enough so that I commented to myself that I wanted to blog about it when I got home.
And now, here I am and can't remember, for the life of me, what deep thoughts I was thinking on the drive home from our confirmation class at Grace.
I am tired.
But it is kind of a good tired. I worked today at my new job today. I am a personal assistant for a woman with a chronic illness. I cook and clean and run errands. Basically it is the same job I do at my own home except I get paid. And like my own home, this is a ministry of sorts. I know that a big pot of bean and squash soup may not sound like ministry, but it is. There is love in that soup.
Oh, now I remember:
I was thinking that sometimes people mistake me for a kind and generous person. And I think that maybe the kindness and generosity is really the light of God blazing away in my heart. All the dark stuff that I sometimes squelch the light with... my fears and resentments, sins and self-centeredness, are all still there. But Church and the Sacraments and scripture and prayer help shift the darkness out of the way so that the light can sometimes shine through.
This week has been all about serving others. And I am tired. But what has been sort of remarkable is that the tiredness isn't accompanied by resentment. Not at all. That is really unlike me, I am sorry to admit. All I can attribute that to is prayer.
Today I started reading the diary of St. Faustina. Can I just tell you? I love the mystics. I love them. I think it is because that is how I relate to God. Not in any kind of cerebral way, but in a completely enraptured, my heart is so full of love it feels like I am going to explode, sort of way. Like how I cry every stinking week in Lectio Divina. I love the mystics because they are so wide open to the Holy Spirit... and that is exactly how I experience God, too, sometimes.
Today I ran into an old friend I knew from a weight loss program years ago. As I was standing there chatting, I realized that I am much heavier than the last time she saw me. I also realized that I felt totally unselfconscious about my appearance or my weight. When she said I looked great, I thanked her, knowing that it was true. I do. Not necessarily physically, but spiritually. I think I look happy. I think I look joyful. Feeling at ease in my own skin has got to be some kind of miracle.
The last few weeks have been so full of God's grace. How could I look anything BUT happy?
And now, here I am and can't remember, for the life of me, what deep thoughts I was thinking on the drive home from our confirmation class at Grace.
I am tired.
But it is kind of a good tired. I worked today at my new job today. I am a personal assistant for a woman with a chronic illness. I cook and clean and run errands. Basically it is the same job I do at my own home except I get paid. And like my own home, this is a ministry of sorts. I know that a big pot of bean and squash soup may not sound like ministry, but it is. There is love in that soup.
Oh, now I remember:
I was thinking that sometimes people mistake me for a kind and generous person. And I think that maybe the kindness and generosity is really the light of God blazing away in my heart. All the dark stuff that I sometimes squelch the light with... my fears and resentments, sins and self-centeredness, are all still there. But Church and the Sacraments and scripture and prayer help shift the darkness out of the way so that the light can sometimes shine through.
This week has been all about serving others. And I am tired. But what has been sort of remarkable is that the tiredness isn't accompanied by resentment. Not at all. That is really unlike me, I am sorry to admit. All I can attribute that to is prayer.
Today I started reading the diary of St. Faustina. Can I just tell you? I love the mystics. I love them. I think it is because that is how I relate to God. Not in any kind of cerebral way, but in a completely enraptured, my heart is so full of love it feels like I am going to explode, sort of way. Like how I cry every stinking week in Lectio Divina. I love the mystics because they are so wide open to the Holy Spirit... and that is exactly how I experience God, too, sometimes.
Today I ran into an old friend I knew from a weight loss program years ago. As I was standing there chatting, I realized that I am much heavier than the last time she saw me. I also realized that I felt totally unselfconscious about my appearance or my weight. When she said I looked great, I thanked her, knowing that it was true. I do. Not necessarily physically, but spiritually. I think I look happy. I think I look joyful. Feeling at ease in my own skin has got to be some kind of miracle.
The last few weeks have been so full of God's grace. How could I look anything BUT happy?
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
40 Days for Life
Today, a 40 day vigil of fasting and prayer takes place across the United States to end abortion. Last night I went to the local kick off at La Salette Shrine in Attleboro. I admit, I was uncomfortable. I am really not the placard carrying, slogan shouting type anymore. But when I found out about the vigil, sponsored by the Roman Catholic church, I felt moved to get involved.
As I stood in the church narthex, feeling out of place, I looked up and saw a friend from when I worked for AT&T back in the 1980s. She was a former nun, and even then, before I was anywhere near being a Christian, I was drawn to her simple peacefulness. I have thought of her many times since then, especially as I progressed on my own Christian path.
I walked over to her with a big smile and we chatted for several minutes. She told me what she is doing these days and I shared briefly about my conversion and told her what an impact she had had on me. She smiled and said that she thought that when people have a strong prayer life, they sort of radiate God's peace. I would have to say that that is true, especially of the nuns I have met in my life.
Prayer has power. This I believe. God wants to engage with us in that way. He wants us to speak to him from the quiet of our hearts. From the darkness of our rooms. From the noisy sidewalk in broad daylight.
I'll be there, Lord. I'll be praying.
As I stood in the church narthex, feeling out of place, I looked up and saw a friend from when I worked for AT&T back in the 1980s. She was a former nun, and even then, before I was anywhere near being a Christian, I was drawn to her simple peacefulness. I have thought of her many times since then, especially as I progressed on my own Christian path.
I walked over to her with a big smile and we chatted for several minutes. She told me what she is doing these days and I shared briefly about my conversion and told her what an impact she had had on me. She smiled and said that she thought that when people have a strong prayer life, they sort of radiate God's peace. I would have to say that that is true, especially of the nuns I have met in my life.
Prayer has power. This I believe. God wants to engage with us in that way. He wants us to speak to him from the quiet of our hearts. From the darkness of our rooms. From the noisy sidewalk in broad daylight.
I'll be there, Lord. I'll be praying.
Friday, September 19, 2008
The Rabbit Test
This is Shaggy.
He is a dog in the Clarenville Newfoundland SPCA Shelter.
Yesterday he met a rabbit. He sniffed said rabbit and wagged his tail. Shaggy passed the rabbit test.
Shaggy is going to be our new dog. My parents are bringing him down when they come in October. It is an arranged marriage, of sorts, because we have never met him.
He is a hairy dog.
Shaggy is going to get a haircut.
Lazarus
It is true.
I think during the transplant, there must have been a point when my friend Carl was technically dead. And now, today, sitting in his room overlooking the skyline of Boston, he was very much alive.
I held myself together pretty well for the most part. All smiles and encouragement.
And then at one point I looked up at the heart monitor and saw the beautiful pattern of a healthy heart and all pretense of pulled-togetherness evaporated and I started sobbing.
Because the last time I saw a monitor connected to my friend, there was barely any pattern or beat at all, just a pitiful series of little blips that wandered aimlessly across the screen.
Not today. Today the spikes were standing at attention as they marched along in regular formation. Today, those beats are strong and powerful and, well, healthy.
Lord God, great healer, thank you.
I think during the transplant, there must have been a point when my friend Carl was technically dead. And now, today, sitting in his room overlooking the skyline of Boston, he was very much alive.
I held myself together pretty well for the most part. All smiles and encouragement.
And then at one point I looked up at the heart monitor and saw the beautiful pattern of a healthy heart and all pretense of pulled-togetherness evaporated and I started sobbing.
Because the last time I saw a monitor connected to my friend, there was barely any pattern or beat at all, just a pitiful series of little blips that wandered aimlessly across the screen.
Not today. Today the spikes were standing at attention as they marched along in regular formation. Today, those beats are strong and powerful and, well, healthy.
Lord God, great healer, thank you.
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