Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Putting it out there

I have been struggling with my daily practice since Advent of last year. Before that I was pretty disciplined with a centering prayer practice, sitting for 2 20-minute sessions each day. My actual meditation was wildly undisciplined... my head was like a little monkey dancing from thought to thought even as I was supposed to empty my head to prepare a space for God. But even with my monkey mind, I was very disciplined with the act itself. I sat, every day, two times twenty, for two years.

Since Advent, though, I have struggled with a regular prayer practice. In fits and starts I have tried psalms, a little five part prayer that Fr. P shared with me, centering prayer again, reading the Bible. But in the end I have fallen out of practice and most of the time don't do anything at all.

Which sucks.

So, today, when Fr. P asked me at lunch if I have been praying I had to admit to him that I haven't been. That I had a short stint in July where I was... but that it has been sporadic since then.

And I have committed that I am going to be able to say yes, next month, when we meet. Because I don't want to be embarrassed when Fr. P asks about it again. Because I know it is critical to my relationship with God.

Beloved,

NOTHING in my life is more important than meeting with you on a daily basis. Let me set time aside for you. Let me open my heart to you. Let me listen for you, intently, intentionally, and with joy.

Lord, please help me in this. I miss our daily time.


1 comment:

Widening Circles said...

Maybe try for 1x20/day? But don't feel guilty! There are many ways to pray, and obviously you are still praying some way. Those long sessions of quiet can be incredibly rich, but often for mothers that time can be very hard to come by, so don't be too hard on yourself if you miss.