Thursday, June 07, 2007

$48.20

That is how much the lady at the used bookstore gave me for a big box of my tarot books and decks today.

I have been debating about what to do with these for awhile now.

Do I dramatically burn them in my driveway?

Ebay?

Give them to friends?

Give them to my rabbit?

I have really struggled. But in the end, I decided to sell them to the used bookstore for a tiny fraction of what they were worth.

I packed the box up a week ago, combing through my bookshelf for all the books that didn't resonate for my anymore. One by one I pulled them out, blew the dust off and packed them carefully into a big cardboard box. These are the remnants of who I used to be. The decks, especially, were ones that I loved. I would be lying if I said I didn't feel a twinge of wistfulness as I packed them up.

So why get rid of them? Because I know that I don't need them anymore. My joy is found in God. My bible is all I the 'oracle' I need. If I am troubled, I take my troubles to Jesus. I don't need to know what is coming around the bend anymore. All I need to know is that when I get there, I will be in God's presence.

I don't want to talk about your future, either. Now, if you are hurting, rather than try and give you answers, I will pray with you and for you. I will point you to the one who has healed me. I will give thanks to him for saving me and ask him to comfort you.

So why sell them? Why NOT get rid of them?

Because they were stepping stones on my journey towards God.

5 comments:

Lorna (see through faith) said...

Rachel .. you will be blessed by this, indeed I think you are already :)

thanks for your prayers

Anonymous said...

Terrific! This brings to mind some ideas about justification and sanctification, if you're feeling theological.

You are the hope that must have been had for Lot's wife - who was advised not to look back - and not only have you not looked back, your heart has been captured by the city New Jerusalem. Amen, sister!

Seminary sermons are done. The experience was life giving (although not all easy) so I know prayers were answered over that.

Grace and peace!
Amy

Bad Alice said...

Rachel, I remember when we first "met" we exchanged comments about tarot cards. :)

Rachel's Big Dunk said...

It really seems like a stunning turnaround, in some ways. Lorna and Bad Alice were both around when I was just starting this blog and at that time I was still reading professionally.

Amy, I admit that once or twice in the last year I have been tempted to look back, but the New Jerusalem beckons and I am drawn ever closer. God takes me in his hands and points me in the direction he wants me to go.

If I were running for office, I would be accused of being a flip flopper, LOL.

Nancy said...

Rachel,
I think the act of selling the books and cards is very significant. Perhaps this act is a stepping stone as well, to a deeper place in God.