Monday, December 05, 2005

A dose of psalm 22

So, last night, after the pity party rant on my blog, I went upstairs and pulled out my old psalter to read the evening prayers. Uh. How about a little psalm 22 to drag you out of your self indulgent mire, kid?

I mean really, it's not like the bulls of Bashan are circling me. It's not like I have been stripped of my clothes and hung up to dry. My bones are all intact.

Advent is about waiting in the darkness, isn't it? And darkness, for me, means a sense of separation from you, God. So in a way, maybe it makes sense that I am feeling so far from you at the moment.

And maybe that is what this season of longing is suposed to be. A time of emptyness before the fulfillment. If that is the case, Beloved, it certainly seems to be working on me. I feel pretty damned empty at the moment.

And finally, after 2 years of centering prayer, is it possible that I am coming up against the dark night? Could it be that I am hitting the spiritual wall? I don't have an appointment with Fr. P until after the new year, but I think it might be time to give him a call about all of this.

Beloved, help me to trust that even when I am far from you, you are never far from me.

Love+
Rachel

3 comments:

juniper68 said...

rachel,
i was hoping to have profound words of Advent comfort and joy for you here, but none are coming. only know that others are on the journey with you, too.
blessings,
jennifer

Iohannes Michahel said...

Hi Rachel,

This was the first psalm read at Lauds this morning, for the second Monday of Advent:

Like a deer that longs for springs of water, so my soul longs for you, O God.

My soul thirsts for God, the living God: when shall I come and stand before the face of God?

My tears are my food, by day and by night, and everyone asks, “where is your God?”.

I remember how I went up to your glorious dwelling-place and into the house of God: the memory melts my soul. The sound of joy and thanksgiving, the crowds at the festival.

Why are you so sad, my soul, and anxious within me? Put your hope in the Lord, I will praise him still, my saviour and my God.

My soul is sad within me, and so I will remember you in the lands of Jordan and Hermon, on the mountain of Mizar.

Deep calls to deep in your rushing waters: and all your torrents, all your waves have flowed over me.

By day the Lord sends his kindness upon me; by night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life.

I will say to God: “You are my support, why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go in mourning, while the enemy persecutes me?”.

As my bones break, my persecutors deride me, all the time saying “where is your God?”.

Why are you so sad, my soul, and anxious within me? Put your hope in the Lord, I will praise him still, my saviour and my God.

Psalm 41(42)

It's almost as if they know what they're doing :-) Be well, Rachel

John

Rachel's Big Dunk said...

Wow, John....

Truly one of my favorite psalms. Thank you for sharing it with me today.

I have to say, when I am feeling shitty, the psalter is the best place to hang out. There is NOTHING that hasn't already been written there. From the highest highs to the lowest lows.

As I am doing the Anglican cycle of the psalms, I woke up to 23 this morning. I was struck by the fact that both God's rod AND his staff comfort me. Some whacking upside the head is inevitable, isn't it? I felt a little better at that! LOL!

And Jennifer, it is a great comfort to realize that we are all in this waiting together, isn't it? Thank you for waiting with me!

Love+
Rachel