I met a friend for lunch yesterday, and during the conversation, I mentioned I had gone to confession and started to describe what the process was like. As we chatted, I went on to tell him that my biggest sins, these days, have to do with the way I treat my husband and kids. There are times, especially with my husband, when I am downright rude. I treat him disrespectfully. Sometimes in front of the kids, which is damaging to them, too.
As I was talking, I realized that by acknowledging this, I am now compelled to try and do something about it. Leaving this bit of sin dangling in my life like some forgotten laundry is it's own sin. I decided to ask God to create in me a clean heart. I asked God to help me with this bad habit. To take away the desire for me to always be right, be in charge, be the boss of everything. Give me the grace, Lord, to treat my husband with the respect that he deserves. With kindness. With compassion. And help me be more patient with the boys while we are at it.
This has all been percolating for awhile, but I needed to address it right away so in the middle of the afternoon I called Nguyen and told him I had been acting badly and apologized. He agreed that I have been rude and was pleased that I said I was sorry. We talked about it some more when he got home. We shared a bottle of wine after the kids went to bed, and talked for a long time about things. It was good.
God, he is the most important person in my life. Grant me the grace to be kind and loving to him. Help me learn to be more respectful. Help me make this home a refuge for all of us.
4 comments:
It's interesting to me that we are coming to the Anglican tradition from different places and yet so many of our experiences and feelings seem to be extremely similar. Still, I have to say that as a recently former Roman Catholic, I am happy to be able to leave confession behind. All I can say is keep writing about it and I'll keep reading and thinking and try to understand what I'm missing. :)
One Foot, I might have felt that way too if I grew up in that tradition. But one big advantage of being a new Christian is that I can approach all the sacraments with fresh eyes and no baggage, LOL. I decided to participate in the sacrament of reconciliation because I felt drawn to it. I believed God was asking me to do it. And it was truly one of the most loving and wondeful experiences of my life. It was the first time that I could see myself through God's eyes. (At least that is what it felt like.) And all I could see was love and forgiveness.
What is interesting is that I can sense that it will be soon time to do it again. Kind of a spiritual tune up before heading into Advent, I think.
I hope you don't mind, but I've shared your confession story (in snippets, anonymously) with others. There's no need to walk around with the burden of guilt, when a way out has been lavished upon us. I look forward to reading about your spiritual "tune up."
Hi e-mom,
I am glad you have found my story helpful. It is definately ok to share it! In a way, it isn't really my story, but God's.
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