Now for something completely different:Clothing stores for curvy chicks.
Uh.
What is it about clothing manufacturers that assume that curvy women are either 13 years old or 93?
I am going away to a kitchen tools convention in Chicago this week and needed to pick up a few things to pack. So off I went to Lane Bryant for bras and a set of pajamas. First, why DO pajamas cost 50 bucks at LB? That is just sick. And I am not talking some frilly fancy neglige type of thing. Just a basic tee shirt and bottom. (I am sharing a bed with a friend to save hotel fees, so I decided that pjs were a better bet than my usual sleeping attire, which involves a night gown that winds up hiked up around my shoulders by morning....) Pass on the pjs at LB, though. I am NOT ponying up that much cash.
And whoever thought low rise pants on a fat girl was a good idea was probably smoking crack.
Second stop: Catherines. This place actually had a cute set of pajamas for half the price, plus a pair of rayon pants that saved the day. I can wear the pants for two days with different tops and save on suitcase room in a big way. Plus, they are pre-wrinkly, so I don't have to iron them when I get there. But OMG, what a bunch of fugly crap that store had. Hideous red, white and blue pseudo cruisewear. Horrifying polyester stuff I thought went out in the 70s. (Tell me that isn't back, please.) And mostly stuff that might look passable on a woman twice my age. (82 in dog years.)
Final destination: Marshalls. This is always the worst of the worst of the plus sized stores. All the hideous stuff that didn't sell at deep discount in the retail stores ends up in the racks. But miracles of miracles, I found the perfect tank to go with the aforementioned rayon pants... and a foundation garment that no one else seemed to have: a split slip. (Chicago is hot in the summer, my friends. Curvy women need a split slip to keep their legs from getting stuck together when wearing a skirt.)
After all that... the goofy fashions, the insane prices, the fitting room mirror (the horror)...
I went to the 5 pm mass at S. Stephens:
Evening prayer.
Communion.
A great homily.
And the clothes are better, too.
5 comments:
And whoever thought low rise pants on a fat girl was a good idea was probably smoking crack.
Rachel, I love this! Thanks for a much needed chuckle.
A brilliant juxtaposition... Marshall's and liturgical vestments! (Did I get that right?)
A very clever post Rachel.
You did get it right, e-mom. It is Ordinary time, so the Chausibles (The thing in the picture) are generally green.
Not all Episcopal churches use vestments, by the way. At my regular church they wear a white alb with a colored stole. The stole color changes according to the church year season. Only rarely will they trot out the vestments. But in an Anglo Catholic parish like the one I visited on Wednesday, they wear vestments at every service. I kinda like it!
Hahahahahahahahah! I am with you, curvy sister!
I hate to tell you, polyester is back :-(
When I was on what I laughingly call vacation (ha!) last week I went into a store called "Elegant Woman" which promised to cater to larger sizes. Eeeek! Gastly stuff! The nice elderyl man (?) who waited on me held up a hideous polyester straight skirt that I wouldn't wear to a dog fight, saying, "This is really a nice one." It was the ugliest color I've ever seen. Have no idea the name of the color, sort of a pale yellow-brown-green.
I did buy two plain ordinary upscale kind of t shirts, one black, one turquoise, commenting quietly to my husband that the store mostly had clothes that my 89 year old mother wouldn't be caught dead in, and the name "elegant" was quite a stretch. Dowdy. Frumpy. Dated. Downright ugly in some cases. Nothing elegant.
Split slip! I've been looking and looking!
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