Monday, July 24, 2006
The broken bits
I have to admit,
it was tough coming back to a week's worth of stuff left undone. I was so grateful to everyone for taking care of the children while I was gone. But, uh, it was a bit tough coming back to unpaid bills, unwashed dishes, weeds choking my garden, etc. Not that I expected Nguyen to do all that stuff. It just makes you realize how much you do on a daily basis, I guess.
So I landed with a bit of a bump.
Church yesterday helped a lot. (As always!)
Our Rector and Associate Rector were both out of town, so our resident retired married couple priests were in charge and it was quite lovely. Bill gave the homily and Hope served the mass.
Here's a secret: For weeks now, I have been thinking that I would like to have a chunk of the big host that the priest uses in the very begining of the mass when she is consecrating the bread and wine. She lifts this big cream colored disk over her head and says (or sings) "By Him and with Him and in Him, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever..." It is then broken into pieces and given as part of communion.
I have been obsessed with that big host, and every week had this little hope that I would get a chunk of it at the rail. I don't know why. Maybe it is bordering on idol worship, lol. But somehow I think I wanted to be connected to that moment, the moment when a pasty cracker of flour and water is transformed into the substance of God. Having a broken triangle instead of a complete circle, a small piece of a larger whole instead of something that is discrete and separate. I had this little spark of yearning that was finally satisfied yesterday, when Hope placed, in my right hand, a small chunk of the host. The edges of it were ragged, rather than smooth. The texture more airy. It dissolved in my mouth more readily, mingling with the wine as I savored the flavor.
It reminds me that God, as he manifests in the world, can be found in the imperfect, the rough, the broken.