Monday, June 26, 2006

Coming up for air

It has been a pretty tough week.

No. Nothing dramatic. Just one of those weeks where I begin to question everything and wonder where the joy goes.

Things for my husband have been challenging at his work. And though I hate to point fingers and play victim, I do have to say that it is just plain hard being in the house with a stress ball. I begin to feel very sorry for myself, which is a dangerous game, indeed.

And yes, the children are home. Last year I went insane by the end of the summer. Both of my kids have vehemently refused to do camp. And it is very scary ponying up the money for two camps, not knowing if it is going to be a miserable battle to get them to go. So I relent and go crazy instead. I am insisting, however, that they go to Vacation Bible School in the neighborhood this year. It is free and I am simply not backing down. Christian formation and a week off. What could be bad?

I have been trying to learn little coping mechanisms. This year, I have a baby sitter 2 times a week. I am going to go to Bible Study on Tuesday mornings. I am scaling back on my Pampered Chef stuff. I instituted family night on Sundays, so we can play board games or go bowling as a family. My mom has offered to come over once im awhile for an afternoon.

I built an emergency beach kit last summer, with a big tote bag and spare, grungy towels, and sunscreen. I left it in the van all summer long so when we felt like going we just jumped in the car and picked a destination. That was great.

And I am trying, really trying, to do my daily prayers. Touching base with God becomes so critical to keep the 'insanity quotient' to a dull roar.

Next week, I meet with Fr. P at the big church on campus to make my first private confession. Like the baptism last month and Holy week before that, I am feeling singularly unprepared for such an event. I think I should be prayerfully fasting or something, inviting God to bring events and situations to the surface so I can cleanse them from my soul's warehouse. But then the kids break a dish or need help in the bathroom or want to swim in the pool and I get distracted. God, please visit me in the midst of my distractions!

Oh. And it has been raining non-stop.

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