I shared with my priest my fears and doubts. He listened very attentively, sifting through my words for signs of God's Grace. I am bereft, I said, that I might never again take communion with my sons. It brings me grief that I will no longer be a member of their church. I am afraid that maybe I have made this choice of my will, not my Father's. I am asking God to be clear, to reassure me that it is HIS will that I am obeying, not mine. If that is so, then I can be at peace, even in the grief and doubt.
And you, Father, listened earnestly. You listened and then spoke. And your words were full of Grace. That the breakup of our family's faith is a reflection of the sin of the church in shattering the Body of Christ. That our little family is a microcosm of the centuries that the Church has been broken... into pieces ever smaller and more fragmented. But, you said, just as the breaking is true of the Body, so is the fact that it cannot be entirely broken... The body does have union, if not full union. And when I go to the altar for your Body and Blood, Lord, I will be praying that I am also in union with my sons and husband, who receive you in another time, another place, another church... but it is still your body, now and forever. I will rest in that. And for the rest of my life, pray for unity in my family and in the church.