I went to the Vespers service today at the Church of the Blessed Sacrament. It was great timing, as I have been struggling lately with doubts. Am I doing the right thing? Is this really what God wants? Is he REALLY calling me, or is this all a figment of my imagination?
As I looked at the beautiful church and listened the psalms being sung in Latin, I thought that maybe my upcoming confirmation is like a marriage that my Father has arranged for me. I am the nervous bride who doesn't really know my betrothed all that well, but I know my Beloved is from a good family and that it will please my Father to marry him, so I am going to trust that, as is often the case with marriages like this, I will grow to love with a passion and depth I can't yet imagine. This is the marriage my Father has arranged, and though I am frightened, I am also willing. And to take the metaphor a bit farther, I am, in a sense, leaving my family, too. I am leaving my church family for a new one. I will go back for visits, but things will never be the same. It is at once glorious and bittersweet.