Tuesday, May 14, 2013

I'll meet your fear and raise you an hour of self pity

I am working through some things right now, most of which have to do with my conversion.  The fact is that following Jesus is, by definition, a willingness to pick up the cross.  I know this.  I anticipated this.  I saw this clearly on that cold day last November when I stood in the cemetery at Campion Renewal Center and meditated on the 5th Station of the Cross: Simon carries the cross.

And yet, when it actually comes, spiritual struggle is something of a surprise.  Maybe it is my pride that dupes me into thinking I am going to handle it better than I do.

Anyway, today was a heavy day.  I woke up feeling burdened by some conversations I have had over the last couple days.  It is clear that this transition to Rome is not going to be easy.  There is going to be pain involved, along with the joy.

So, I pulled out the Spiritual Tool Kit and ran through my list:

  1. Read the Bible
  2. Said the Rosary
  3. Went to Mass
  4. Spent an hour in Eucharistic Adoration
  5. Called my spiritual director

Cried a lot during all of those steps but came away feeling stronger, better, safer.

Jesus, you have given us these things as gifts.  I am so grateful for all of them.

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