I have been struggling for most of the last year with desolation. It has been a dark time for me. It has been very hard.
Fortunately, through all of it, I never really lost the sense of God's presence. I felt him there, quietly egging me on, inviting me to plumb the depths of my soul, inviting me to trust him.
In desolation it is easy to second guess every decision, question every inspiration, regret everything. It feels like a deep spiritual depression. And oppression.
A few weeks ago, the desolation began to lift. I could see tiny cracks of light peeping through. I could feel a shift in my spirit. I began to feel a clearer sense of God's reassuring presence. I have moved towards consolation and it is such a relief.
In consolation, the word is trust. I trust the decisions that God lead me through. I trust him to take care of my tender and weak soul. I trust that I don't have to be in charge of everything.... just let him draw me towards him. In consolation I am not alone.
This year, for Lent, I gave up desolation.
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