Tuesday, April 20, 2010

And then there is the part of me that thinks that because I am not handling this well, I am a bad Christian. Because I feel fear, anger, loss, grief, I am not trusting in God.

Forgive me, Lord, if that is so.

I need healing.


Shift Worker said...

A bad Christian, really? Let's review some things my dear friend...

Gethsemane...Jesus...TAKE this cup from me was his prayer.

By the rivers in Babylon...harps hung in the trees...Israel wept.

The wilderness for 40 years...the newly freed slaves...griping and complaining because they were expecting the promised land not the desert.

And you know what all these had in common? God was there. RIGHT THERE. Not punishing these people, but suffering with them for the pain is overwhelming. In some cases there were some - those we call saints or prophets - who knew enough of God to know this was true and proclaim it to the other people. They cried out to God on behalf of the people. They weren't those who lacked faith, they were those whose great faith was shaken but not destroyed.

Walk the road to Calvary carrying the weight on your shoulders. Weep by the river for all that was lost. Rub the sand from your eyes and cry out. It is time for all of that.

And when you are awoken with dreams and dreads in the middle of the night, glance up to see the pillar of fire leading you.

This is what our forebearers in the faith have done for all these years. It is what God expects - not perfection. Jesus is perfect and the rest of us are being perfected ("completed"). Some day we will may share the depth of love and trust and faith that Jesus taught, but until then, my sister, we have a Savior whose completeness shines brightly through our weakness.

Be real. Be Rachel. Be flawed and hurting when you are flawed and hurting. It is in that time when people see the light of Christ shine through you. (And no, it is not a requirement that you see it!)

May you be refreshed by the love of God who surrounds you even this minute.

Rachel Nguyen said...

OK, yeah, I totally needed your comments. Thank you, sister. This is me having to totally surrender my weakness. Perhaps my biggest issue is spiritual pride.

Today is a 'By the waters of Babylon' kind of a day.

Rachel Nguyen said...

And really, what in the world made me think I was a 'good' Christian to begin with? Ha.