He loves you even when you are a jerk.
Last night, after my day of coming face to face with all kinds of major character defects, I shared it all with Nguyen. The good, the bad and the ugly. Stuff that is years in the making. Habits that were formed long before I was a Christian, that have clung tenaciously. I told him all about it. His first reaction was
"Wow, you really are messed up..."
At which point I allowed as to how that might not be the best response when someone is baring their dark souls.
We chuckled.
The gist of the conversation is that even though I am Loved with a capital "L" by God. Even though I have had close encounters with Jesus and the Holy Spirit, I am still spending way too much time and energy seeking approval from people I care about. I am a love junky and need constant, reassuring fixes that everyone Loves. Me. Best.
I gave him lots of examples of how this manifests, which were embarrassing, to say the least. But at the end of the whole thing, he gave me a big hug (which is rather rare for a Vietnamese guy) and told me that, yes, he loves me. Warts (sins?) and all.
He is a good egg.
2 comments:
Dear Rachel,
Keep up your courage during this growing season. The best growth usually pokes up from manure my friend. :^)
Much love,
Amy
(and yes, that noise you hear is me groaning over my own growing pains!)
Hey my sister,
It's nice to know that we are never alone in this. We have each other. And more importantly, we have God along for the ride.
Blessings!
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